TPM AU where Padme has a (completely obvious) teenage crush on Padawan Obi-Wan. Little Anakin is slightly upset before promptly deciding he’ll just have to marry them both once he’s old enough. It might require a little matchmaking, and years of trademark Skywalker wooing, but it will happen. He’s sure of it.
Oh my bleep.
It’s just… the tags OMG
#Anakin: HOW DARE #Anakin: ALRIGHT FINE you can come too #tatooine being poly by default is an interesting thought #i mean the planet is super dangerous and so if you’re going to try to make a living #pooling the resources of multiple adults into the children is actually a pretty smart idea??? #owen and beru never bothered because even if they weren’t married to him they had ben kenobi #cleigg and shmi never had the chance :( #somewhere in the back of anakin’s brain ‘smart/fierce girl + snarky/wary knight = winning combination’ #he spends the next ten years tryina show what he can bring to the table (which is a hella lot tbh) #like ……… he’s realized that’s not how it works in the whole wide galaxy bUT STILL #he’s totally forgotten to actually tell Padme and Obi-Wan about this #‘there was a slight complication when you turned out to be a Q U E E N but’ #Obi-Wan is just ‘why are you like this …. I love you but why’ #Amidala is just lmao SUPER FLATTERED once she understands the cultural aspects of it #‘Ani pls no …. I mean its a great honor buT PLS ANI WHY’ #Anakin’s just stubbornly ‘no as far as Im concerned we are M A R R I E D’ #Obi-Wan and Padme who had no plans/a vow against it are just ’ ….. fine okay sure wtvr’ #It’s not like they’re actually going to get married to anyone else so ………… #Padme uses it to ward off obnoxious dignitaries #Obi-Wan just endlessly torments Anakin about it #‘As your husband -’ ‘Obi no’ ‘BUT as your husband you should listen closer-’ ‘Obi stop’
can you imagine how this continues? I wonder when Ani told them of their happy union.
and then Vos came back from the outer rim and some mission, and he was like: Obi-what???
:D i live to tag
okay it’s clearly an au from the get-go so ani and padme never have their super secret marriage in AotC because it would be IMPROPER to have a ceremony without Obi obviously
so some time during TCW obviously it comes up all of a sudden when Padme has either strong-armed her way into a dangerous situation and Anakin is like “OUR WIFE” and Obi is like “What” or otherwise another hilarious cultural gaffe ALA Star Trek when Anakin and Obi-Wan run into another culture and they’re like “they want one of you to marry into the culture as good faith” and Anakin is like “WE CAN’T we have a wife/we’re married already!!!” and Obi is like “what”
alternatively I’ve developed this headcanon that cleigg was actually pointed shmi’s way because Obi-Wan asked one of his bffs to do something about that situation back on Tatooine and it just so happened that cleigg was like “I love this woman, Imma marry her”
and that BFF, who knows something about the local population’s culture (as opposed to the hutts, as opposed to the smugglers/pirates/scum hiding out there temporarily) sees Anakin do something and is like “wow congrats obi, are you aware you have a husband>?>????”
which accounts for part of Anakin’s attitude/authority problem, because in his head, he’s just like “okay yeah we’re married” and Obi isn’t affording him the respect a partner deserves and he’s SO MAD ABOUT IT but WHATEVER, so miscommunication + cultural misunderstanding yaaay
like Anakin had it in his head somewhere that when he was knighted then they would be Officially Married and just …never told anyone …..
alternatively some dignitary making eyes at Padme and Anakin being like “exCUSE ME???!?!? WE’RE RIGHT HERE??!?!!! HER HUSBANDS?????!!!!” and both padme and obi are “what” but padme rolls with it on the fly even though she has no idea what the fuck anakin is talking about.
they both learn to roll with it after padme manages to get her hands on some tatooine culture information and she and obi-wan talk it over. anakin doesn’t seem to have any unusual expectations of the situation given that he’s been thinking of them all as married for years now so it’s not like it puts Obi-Wan or Padme in an uncomfortable position?? Anakin finally starts getting the recognition and respect he’s been wanting all this time.
On the downside:
“As your husband-”
“but as your wife-”
“NOT YOU TOO PADME!” D:
anakin’s easy days are over
like Anakin had it in his head somewhere that when he was knighted then they would be Officially Married and just …never told anyone …..
oh, but they probably WERE Officially Married after Anakin’s knighting. Officially Married according to Tatooine custom, but still. It’s not Anakin’s fault that Obi-Wan went along with it and didn’t admit he had no idea what it meant when they had meal with three traditional wedding dishes and exchanged cups of water.
(Obi-Wan assumed it was a coming-of-age ritual. He didn’t catch on to his mistake even when Anakin insisted that they go visit Padme and then cooked the same dishes and insisted that it’s only proper they all exchange the water between them.
It didn’t help the whole thing is really simple out of necessity. It’s not like people of Tatooine can afford elaborate weddings, after all.)
This tbh. Sharing water under the light of the sun (or perhaps during the night? …. im only now questioning if Tatooine has a night lmao orz) with everyone involved, perhaps saying Something of Significance.
I really think it ought to be everyone at the same time honestly. Obi-Wan and Padme just think it’s (like you said) a kind of celebration or ritual done because Anakin gets knighted.
“Padme has to be there,” Anakin insists, and Obi-Wan sighs. Anakin’s transparent attachment to the Senator will surely come to trouble, but he’s young yet - he’ll grow out of it. Of course he will. And there’s nothing to truly gain out of denying him this. Obi-Wan remembers that his friends had celebrations when they were Knighted. Just because he himself had forgone any festivities holds no weight on that. “Fine, fine,” he says, “if the Senator has time.”
Anakin bites his lip and furrows his brow stubbornly. “She’ll have time,” he says uncertainly.
Padme certainly won’t pass up a chance to see Obi-Wan again, and she has become very fond of the young man Ani has grown into, so she manages to make time in her schedule to meet with them. “It’s a very important moment for both of them,” she tells her handmaidens. “Ani’s training is over, and Obi-Wan should be very proud of him.”
“Uh huh,” the handmaiden says, not at all convinced.
Anakin fucking glows the entire night, and well - he has always felt things strongly, so there’s no real reason to wonder at it, is there? His happiness is infectious, and if the small, private celebration seems a bit more exuberant than a knighting usually inspires, well - it’s Anakin.
In AotC and the Clone Wars movie, we see that at night there are three moons visible from Tatooine. So maybe when it’s three (or third person entering into the relationship, or more people at once?) people getting married, the ceremony is supposed to be in the evening/at night but when it’s only two people, they marry at day (because two suns).
Also, if sharing water is the most important part of the marriage, it probably carries similar connotations when done right in other contexts. Like, if dignitaries at official dinner are making eyes at Obi-Wan or Padme, Anakin will bring his spouses water (it HAS to be water, nothing alcoholic) to make clear they’re taken. All the while glaring daggers at the offending parties, of course.
Padme just rolls with it. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan is convinced Anakin is trying to get across the message that he’s drinking too much.
I love this whole thing.
Just wanted to add - some dignitaries (particularly those who are from the Outer Rim or have a lot of dealings with Outer Rim or are from desert planets with similar customs) recognize the warning and immediately back tf off because you do NOT mess with someone’s spouses. Which just leaves Obi-Wan confused about their sudden stiff politeness and wariness towards him.
He’d thought the negotiations were going well? Did he misspeak on something? Did he just commit a faux pas? He’d studied this planet’s cultural practices, though, and he’d been careful (as he always is) not to overstep. What did he do???
And why is Anakin insisting on giving him more water? He’s already had three glasses of water to just one glass of alcohol this dinner. He is not drinking too much, thanks for your unsolicited concern, Anakin.
I can only imagine how INCREDIBLY upset Anakin is in this AU every time Obi-Wan inevitably starts to flirt with someone that isn’t Anakin himself or Padme. Obi-Wan isn’t respecting the sanctity of their marriage!!!
Oh Force, what if this is Obi-Wan’s way of telling Anakin that he’s not happy in their relationship???
…what if this is Obi-Wan’s way of telling Anakin that he feels like he’s being neglected by Anakin???
Cue Anakin hovering around Obi-Wan nonstop and being incredibly, embarrassingly solicitous.
Meanwhile, Obi-Wan is SO CONFUSED. And embarrassed. And really, really irritated.
“Anakin, I have my own food right here,” he sighs, pushing away Anakin’s hand yet again. He supposes this is Anakin’s way of reminding him that he needs to eat more food.
Anakin, meanwhile, thinks that this obviously means the choice bits of food that he’s trying to feed Obi-Wan aren’t good enough. Or that this is Obi-Wan’s way of saying that he’s still upset with him, so he needs to try harder.
Maybe it needs to be food he’s prepared with his own two hands?? Maybe he wants to be serenaded at the same time???
(Of course, it’s a different story if Obi-Wan isn’t the one who started the flirting with Random Diplomat #5/Ventress/Satine/Quinlan/Hondo/
anything with a pulse. Then Anakin just gets territorial in the extreme. Which sometimes amounts to the same actions on his part in the end, only with more snarling at the other being added into the mix.)
Obi-Wan and Padme bond over Anakin’s weird behavior long before they have any idea of its true meaning.
“Wait… he does that thing where he tries to feed you from his plate at state banquets to you too?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” Obi-Wan replies, blinking in surprise.
They swap stories (Padme is currently winning the Most Embarrassing Anakin Moment competition) and coping tips and get thoroughly smashed on the bottles of Alderaanian Rosé Padme received as a gift from Bail on her last nameday.
When Anakin comes into Padme’s apartment in the aftermath of this bonding session, he sees them drunkenly napping against one another on the couch and is all, My spouses are so cute!!!
He’s kinda grumpy and jealous about having been excluded, though. Just for this, he thinks sulkily, he isn’t going to bring them breakfast or match his clothes to theirs for a whole week. Unless they apologize, of course.
That will teach them!
First he finds them a blanket of course. Can’t have them get a chill.
Obi-wan and padme have no idea what is going on in the morning. They are used to Anakin acting a bit strange (and maybe just maybe, they have totally gotten used to being presented with a thoughtful breakfast), but somehow this takes the cake.
Anakin isn’t acting really unhappy, he isn’t brooding or acting angry. He is just puting. Why?
But yeah, the fussing seems like something he would do. Obviously he is not doing good enough (and his wife and husband are really picky, then again they had kind of a priviledged upbringing, so they are used to different thinks. Anakin has to up his game. No problem he’s got this.)
But what if a Senator sees the warning glasses of water and is just like wait, “Congratulations on your marriage Senator Amidala, Jedi Kenobi” and Obi-Wan and Padme are just standing there like what and Padme thanks him of course and there’s a brief pause because both of them are thinking of a diplomatic way to let the Senator know that they are not in fact married. Anakin swoops in like an avenging angel but instead of saving them he’s… he’s agreeing with the Senator and now the Senator thinks that Anakin is married to them and the entire ride back Obi-Wan and Padme are just trying to figure out why the Senator even thought that. The only thing that both of them had done was… accept a glass of water… (Anakin is just so happy that their marriage has been acknowledged by others. He knows they had wanted to keep it on the down low but he just couldn’t resist when all those people were flirting with his husband and wife) (Anakin’s got this) ((Anakin does not in fact got this))
“Congratulations on your marriage, Senator Amidala and Master Kenobi.”
Senator Kie-fuki of Nidai II was not kind of man who was given to flights of fancy. He was dour faced and infamous in the Senate for having the sense of humor of a particularly boring rock. He was, however, fiercely devoted to his constituents, the Republic, and to peace. Senator Padme Amidala did not consider him a close personal friend but she did consider him a man worthy of her time and respect.
So when he congratulated her and Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi on their marriage, it nearly knocked it off her feet, to say nothing of what it did to Obi-Wan, who nearly choked on the ice cold water Anakin had just given him.
“Gah! Ah… ah… pardon me?!” Obi-Wan choked out, turning away from their conversation with the Senator to cough his way to better breathing in his sleeve and low mutter to Padme. “What in all the Sith Hells is he talking about?”
“Oh thank you!” Padme trilled, smoothing right over her shock and Obi-Wan’s shock with a perfectly angled bow that indicated the acceptance of a compliment and that a return compliment would be forthcoming. The layers of formality on Nidai II was at times difficult to grasp but there was a logic and structure to it that Padme understood well. “And to you as well on winning your recent election. You are an integral piece of the peace talks in this part of the Republic.”
“Thank you,” Kie-fuki replied, sipping his wine as he watched Padme take a sip of her water. “How long have you three been married? It must be relatively recently, no? I was not aware that the Jedi Order allowed its members to marry, let alone join into a tertiary union such as yours.”
“We….” Padme turned and smiled brightly at Anakin because now she knew this had to be Anakin’s fault. “Oh! Here he is now! Anakin, our husband. Anakin? Have you met Senator Kie-fuki of Nidai II?”
Anakin smiled, his posture relaxed and confident as he swept in front of Obi-Wan, who was covering his mouth in attempt to keep himself from saying something rude and undiplomatic. Padme immediately whirled around to make sure he was all right.
“I’m fine! Of course I’m fine! What the hell is he talking about?”
Anakin and the Senator made small talk, discussing the his actions in the war, his happy tertiary marriage and pod races of all things. Padme listened in with one ear as Obi-Wan managed to regain his composure.
“When did he say we got married?” Obi-Wan hissed to Padme as they stepped away from the conversation. “After he was knighted?! I don’t remember marrying anyone.”
“Well… he insisted on the both of us participating in that ceremony under the moonlight,” Padme shrugged, frowning back at Anakin who was accepting more congratulations from Riyo Chuchi on the revelation of his marriage. “Oh stars! The entire Senate is going to know by tomorrow morning!”
“Wait…” Obi-Wan frowned at the tall glass of water in his hand and then looked up at Padme, who had the same glass, which formed a set of triplets with Anakin’s. “Water. He gave us water that night as well. And there were some… oh sweet Force we did marry him.”
“What?!” It was Padme’s turn to hiss at Obi-Wan. “How? There was no priest, no exchange of vows or a license! How is that marriage?”
“We exchanged water, salt and bread,” Obi-Wan explained, his voice low as Anakin finally took note of their absence. “Those are the three most valuable items to slaves on Tatooine; water to live, meat for food and salt to preserve the meat. And a slave wouldn’t have priest oversee their union because they’re not technically free people. We exchanged those items, the three of us. By the laws of Tatooine, we are, in fact, married.”
Padme blinked and looked up at Anakin as he strolled over to them, a broad, confident grin on his face. “I like Senator Kie-fuki. He’s got terrible taste in racers but the guy knows his Outer Rim cultures.”
“Why didn’t you tell us you wanted to marry us?” Padme glared at Anakin, poking him in the arm. “Why didn’t you ask us first?”
Anakin blinked, a little confused. “You didn’t know? But you kept accepting my gifts and water!”
As Anakin and Padme quietly hissed about their sudden union Obi-Wan finally understood why his starfighter was always perfectly tuned up whenever he needed it, or why little presents of sweets would somehow end up in his bunk even when said sweets were declared contraband by CORCOM. He understood why Anakin was always picking up little trinkets and gifts, “For Padme! It will look pretty in her hair don’t you think?” or asked him to pick up flowers of the Senator whenever they would both pay her a visit.
Obi-Wan let out a sigh and shook his head. He left the two to squabble about whether or not Anakin and Obi-Wan were even allowed to be married to Padme and found a serving droid, requesting three identical glasses of water.
He carefully balanced the drinks in his hands as he walked back over to his spouses, smiling softly at them.
Obi-Wan couldn’t think of a better pair of young romantics to be married to.
“You should have told me!” Padme insisted. “How long have you been feeling neglected? Anakin, this is no way to start a healthy relationship! I don’t want to be a wife who lets her husband think he’s not wanted!”
Anakin looked off to the side, chastised. “I thought you knew! You gave me a brand new tool belt and Obi-Wan gave a new model kit last week.”
“Had I known I was buying a present for my husband I would have put a bow on it,” Obi-Wan observed dryly, handing a glass of water to Anakin and Padme as he held onto his own.
Anakin glanced at his glass, at the water and the growing condensation sliding down against his fingers, and then beamed up at Obi-Wan before he looked over at Padme, who was already raising her glass with a twinkle in her eyes as she toasted. “To a long and happy marriage.”
“Here, here!” Obi-Wan smiled.
Anakin blushed and sipped his water as a warm and happy thought drifted through his mind.
#Of course the next thing Padme and Obi-Wan are going to ask about is#Padme: Does this include… lovemaking?#Obi-Wan: And where are we going to be living?#Padme: Anakin these are important questions you have to answer#Obi-Wan: I would like to sleep on the edge of the bed#Padme: Me too! Anakin you’ll have to sleep in the middle#Obi-Wan: Not next to me! He kicks!#Padme: He told me you snore!#Obi-Wan: ANAKIN!#Anakin: ^_______^ I’m so happy (via fireflyfish)