Feb. 15th, 2017

rakasha: (Default)
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hamelin-born:

Headcanon: Real!Percival Graves took lessons from the Sam Vimes School of Policing.

…I now can’t stop imagining Graves displaying the classic Sam Vimes reaction whenever someone mentions ‘the divine right of kings’.
rakasha: (Default)
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highstones:

i really really did not want to do this but.

hello, my name is seren. i’m a mentally ill, gay, trans minor who is currently trapped in an abusive home. my father passed away on november 4th, 2016 when he choked on a fentanyl patch, which he was taking to help prevent the pain caused by the tumors on his pituitary gland and the back of his brain. ever since he passed away, i have been living with my mother. my dad had sole custody over me, but since he passed, that very obviously wasn’t the case anymore. 

my mother and i have never, ever gotten along. she is borderline abusive, if not such. not only am i living with an abuser, i am also now living in a two bedroom condo in which i am sleeping on the couch. there are five people living in this condo, and tensions are incredibly high. there have been at least three fights in which one of my brothers, my mom, and my mom’s girlfriend have gotten in a fight which has lead to my brother either trying to kill himself or run away, all of which i was exposed to.

the school i am in is shoddy at best, forcing me to retake every class i had already begun to take in my school in virginia. pretty much every day i am taunted and made of constantly for my situation, and on numerous occasions i have faked illness just so i didn’t have to go to school.

despite these conditions, my mother insists that i stay here in florida with her and my brothers. my father’s fiancee, laurel, has very openly expressed that she is incredibly willing to take me in and adopt me. this request was also my dad’s last wish. in his texts with laurel, he had said that if he were to die, laurel should take me in and care for me in his absence. however, since the two had yet to be married, my mother refuses to allow me to live with laurel despite the fact she has a 3 and a half bedroom home, and the money to actually take care of me.

april 8th through the 15th is my spring break. my mother has said that she is willing to allow me to visit laurel during this break, however she does not have the money to take care of plane tickets. 

being able to visit laurel over spring break could quite literally mean life or death with me. since my father passed, i have been ungodly depressed and suicidal. i have made three attempts on my own life since that day. i cannot keep living in this home safely, and the trip to laurel’s house over spring break may possibly make it so my mother allows me to stay with her. if i cannot live with laurel, i am not willing to keep living in this situation.

that’s where your help comes in. i really, really need money for plane tickets before march 25th so i can be able to book the tickets in time. please, i am begging for help at this point. they’ll cost $465 dollars for both me and my brother to go, because my mom will not allow me to go by myself. you can donate to my paypal here >  http://ift.tt/2kQUlhD or i also have commissions open here

please help me. i really need this opportunity so i don’t have to keep living in this horrible home, please.
rakasha: (Default)
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(part 2) Stories of a Dark Lord start sweeping the continent as an oblivious Newt continues on - stories of a Dark Lord who commands the fiercest of beasts, who has no mercy on his enemies. And the stories grow in the telling, helped along by sightings of Newt with animals and how he takes down more poaching rings. They say there’s a new Dark Lord, drifting along the fringes of society, with no followers - a Dark Lord as of old, more interested in research and knowledge then conquest (cont)

(part 3). They say this is a Dark Lord all the more dangerous because he cares nothing for humanity, just for his own pursuits. Eventually, the rumor reaches Europe, reaches Theseus - who raises an eyebrow, and writes his brother a letter. Newt, meanwhile, is SO TERRIBLY EMBARASSED. He didn’t mean for the rumors to spread, he didn’t mean to - WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY’RE CALLING HIM A DARK LORD THESEUS, THESESUS, THIS ISN’T FUNNY! (cont)

(part 4). Thus, Newt Scamander becomes an unwilling (and very grumpy) Dark Lord. Who doesn’t actually use dark magic. …I now simply have the mental image of Newt facing off against Grindelwald, and Grindelwald peering at him in recognition, going “Wait a moment, aren’t you Lord - ” Newt just /burns/ red. “YES YES ALL RIGHT LET’S FIGHT ALREADY. Please?”

None of them realize that Newt is not, in fact, a Dark Lord, he is a magizoologist who loves animals far, far more than he values his own safety. He just also happens to be very talented at dueling. 

Theseus, meanwhile, just about busts a gut laughing. Newt won’t talk to him for weeks after. 
rakasha: (Default)
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aslutfor5sos:

moriartystayingalive:

If a guy ever spreads a rumor that he slept with you, don’t deny it. One, because there will always be people who think it’s true, and two, because that dumbass boy just handed you the power to say anything you want about what he’s like in bed, and people will believe it. Say he bleats like a sheep when he orgasms. Say he put on pearl earrings and asked you to call him Daisy. Say he couldn’t get it up until he watched an old Billy Mays infomercial. The power is yours.

This is my new favorite post
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(part 2) Stories of a Dark Lord start sweeping the continent as an oblivious Newt continues on - stories of a Dark Lord who commands the fiercest of beasts, who has no mercy on his enemies. And the stories grow in the telling, helped along by sightings of Newt with animals and how he takes down more poaching rings. They say there’s a new Dark Lord, drifting along the fringes of society, with no followers - a Dark Lord as of old, more interested in research and knowledge then conquest (cont)

(part 3). They say this is a Dark Lord all the more dangerous because he cares nothing for humanity, just for his own pursuits. Eventually, the rumor reaches Europe, reaches Theseus - who raises an eyebrow, and writes his brother a letter. Newt, meanwhile, is SO TERRIBLY EMBARASSED. He didn’t mean for the rumors to spread, he didn’t mean to - WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY’RE CALLING HIM A DARK LORD THESEUS, THESESUS, THIS ISN’T FUNNY! (cont)

(part 4). Thus, Newt Scamander becomes an unwilling (and very grumpy) Dark Lord. Who doesn’t actually use dark magic. …I now simply have the mental image of Newt facing off against Grindelwald, and Grindelwald peering at him in recognition, going “Wait a moment, aren’t you Lord - ” Newt just /burns/ red. “YES YES ALL RIGHT LET’S FIGHT ALREADY. Please?”

None of them realize that Newt is not, in fact, a Dark Lord, he is a magizoologist who loves animals far, far more than he values his own safety. He just also happens to be very talented at dueling. 

Theseus, meanwhile, just about busts a gut laughing. Newt won’t talk to him for weeks after. 
rakasha: (Default)
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candid-gamera:

thepookah:

agoodcartoon:

nidoranduran:

yournewfriendshouse:

zinglebert-bembledack:

agoodcartoon:

digitaldiscipline:

magistrate-of-mediocrity:

dr-archeville:

bogleech:

kramergate:

micspam:

ghostsnif:

sciencevevo:

agoodcartoon:

Guys who complain about the friendzone often don’t care about their female friends’ personal boundaries, forcing their female friends build more walls up. A good cartoon.

- submitted by Gene

why is he tearing down a wall with an axe

i hate it when your put in the friendzone and made to tear down a wall

Mr. Gorbachev…tear down this friendzone

how you gonna draw some shit that makes you look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining and still feel like you’re the victim

I DON’T *CHOP* UNDERSTAND *CHOP* WHY *CHOP* YOU CAN’T *CHOP* JUST *CHOP* LET ME *CHOP* BONE YOU *CHOP* ON AN INDEFINITE *CHOP* EXCLUSIVE *CHOP* BASIS *CHOP* WHEN *CHOP* I’M *CHOP* SO *CHOP* NIIIIIIIIIIIICE *CHOP*

“I’m going to wall you up now, Fortunato.”

“Ha ha, and then what? ;) ”

“For the love of God, Montresor!”
-Cask of Amontifriendzone, Edgar Allan Poe

Incessantly, I heard a smacking,
as of some entitled dipshit whacking,
whacking on my chamber door.

Resignedly, I placed another layer,
voicing a quiet, repeated prayer,
“This dude thinks he’s a player,
but I am not a point to score,
he should fuck off and bother me no more.”

Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”

- The Craven, by Edward Allen Bro

edgar allen bro

Oh my god

holy shit

“Nice guy!” said I, “Total dildo–nice guy still if nerd or dudebro,
Whether reddit sent, or whether romcoms tossed thee here ashore,
Barely known yet still entitled, holding now your Tom Waits vinyl,
Begging me for something primal, tell me truly, I implore
Is this–is this shit for fucking real? Tell me, tell me, I implore!
Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”

“Nice guy!” said I, “Total dildo–nice guy still if nerd or dudebro,
By the mores that you abuse thus, by those films we both adore,
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, by stalking me through Facebook,
You have gained a twisted outlook of whom those tropes are for,
Paint a rare and radiant dream girl whilst you remain a bore,
Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”

“Be that slur our sign of parting, creep or douche!” I shrieked, upstarting,
“Get thee back to lonely anguish and your friend’s used comic store!
Leave no white rose as a token of the lust you claim heartbroken,
Leave my scathing words to soak in! Quit the name calling of ‘whore’,
When you lust for every girl, but when they say nay they are whores!
Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”

And the friendzoned, never scoring, still imploring, still imploring,
On some fetid old subreddit for a girl who will adore
The nicer guys and not the “douchebags”, unaware that it’s a red flag
To be his soulmate o'er him learning they both like the movie Thor
To fuck him for being nerdy even though he is a bore,
Then she says no–fucking whore.

that internal rhyme scheme is a fucking master class

Brilliant.

I don’t reblog poetry, typically, but..

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