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kyle ron: grandfather…..show me again, the power of the dark side

bail organa in the afterlife:
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Star Wars + ASOIAF houses

@darthrevaan
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–Pablo Hidalgo, 2005
“The Republic doesn’t exist out here.” can be a little vague, it could have just meant that they were technically part of the Republic, but that they were so far out they might as well not have existed.
But Pablo confirms that, no, they weren’t part of the Republic, they were part of Hutt Space, which means any official dealings or breaking of laws would have had to go through the Senate and the Hutts, that the Republic had no legal authority there.
Which is also why Anakin wouldn’t have faced Republic repercussions for the men/women/child murders he committed here, because it wasn’t part of the Republic.  In theory, if Padme or Anakin had told anyone about what he’d done, the Hutts may have called for extradition or something, but also, who knows! Maybe that kind of murder is legal within Hutt space and he didn’t break any laws at all!
Also some interesting info on Tatooine currency!

@lectorel
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“That is a joke, right?” Anakin asks flatly, one hand dropping to grab her vibro-blade. “I hope it’s a joke. For your sake. Because it’s really not happening. Ever.”
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“That is a joke, right?” Anakin asks flatly, one hand dropping to grab her vibro-blade. “I hope it’s a joke. For your sake. Because it’s really not happening. Ever.”
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Ok, firstly while I love the concept of Anakin Skywalker as Iron Man, I just can’t see this working quite the way you set it out…

See our point of divergence is post TPM, when Anakin is rejected from the Order - that immediately means several things:

1) He’s not being sent back to Tatooine alone. There is no way either Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan (depending who survived) is going to let our little powerhouse go untrained no matter what the council says! And even if for some reason they couldn’t, you can bet your ass Palpatine would jump at the chance to “foster the dear boy”.

2) He’s still a 9 year old boy - a genius yes, but one without immediate means of capitalising on his potential. Recall that Tony Stark didn’t start from scratch, he had his father’s fortune to draw from. Anakin needs time, stability and some start up funds to even start to consider financial revolution.

So ok, little Ani isn’t going to be a Jedi, and neither is Obi-Wan (let’s keep it as canon as we can for the moment, as much as I love Qui-Gon lives AUs it does make things more complicated). What to do?

Keep reading
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Her eyes have been fixed on him all night, and Obi-Wan can no longer pretend he hasn’t noticed. There something about her that’s both exciting and scary; his rational mind warning him to stay away, but another, more adventurous part he thought he’d hidden away, longs for the woman in the shadows. It longs for the red lips, the black dress and the dark eyes. There’s something hidden behind her smile, something dangerous. Something irresistible.

So when his dance is danced, he walks over to her, searches out that danger he doesn’t realize yet would be both his death and his rebirth.

He smiles at her, and she smiles back, her mouth closed.

‘May I have this dance?’

She laughs, a warm laugh, genuinely almost. ‘I thought you’d never ask.’

Her skin is cold as winter, but her dress is soft and her smile is ever inviting. She dances like she’d had lifetimes to practice, her pale skin reflecting the light of the chandeliers. Isn’t that strange?

It’s a dream-like state.

When the music stops, a second and a lifetime later, her gloved hands take hers, taking him to the balcony, and Obi-Wan no longer even considers protesting.

‘You should meet my husband.’

When the doors close, the music is no longer more than a faint echo. And there he is, a man cloaked in darkness, lowering his hood to reveal himself – handsome and young, with golden curls and full lips. When he smiles at him, his mouth open, his sharp teeth revealed, he’s not even scared.

‘Hello,’ he says.

‘Hello.’

If this is a nightmare, a dream about the monsters of the night, it is the sweetest. He doesn’t back down as Anakin comes closer, when he strokes his cheek and asks:

‘Do you want forever?’

‘Yes,’ he whispers back. ‘I do.’
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You know, thinking about the strange mix of trauma and comedy that is TCW, I can’t help but feel there were a few missed opportunities:

- How did we never have an episode involving cross-dressing for great justice? I mean surely we could have had a secret mission involving the Team posing as Padmé’s handmaidens or something? Obi-Wan wears a veil because he won’t shave his beard and Anakin is irritated by all these people admiring him because Hello? Padmé is right there. Obviously she’s the prettiest! (Cue eye-rolling because honestly, they are so obvious).

- For that matter, how did we never have the “undercover as civilians” trope, where Ahsoka has to attend school and Anakin and Obi-Wan have to pretend being called “Dad” and “Pops” doesn’t make them turn to mush. The episode of course ends with a secretive declaration that of course they’re family and if they were really being cruel this would have taken place just prior to the Hardeen arc… Or The Wrong Jedi.

- Freeze rays. How did they miss something so categorically villainous as this? I mean, sure you have the Giant Space EMP gun, but tell me the image of Dooku laughing at an icily incapacitated Obi-Wan doesn’t seem eerily plausible? (He is of course saved by Anakin triggering a cascade failure in his artificial hand, thus melting the ice and freeing his lightsaber). Or…

- Shape changing artifacts/weapons. In line with the above, can’t you see certain Sith revelling in turning those pesky Jedi interlopers into small harmless creatures that are easily disposed of (aka Tooka kittens, baby birds, fluffy ungulate cubs)? Or even just a shrink ray or two? Maybe a mind swap device? How did they miss this staple of comic book antics? Hell, I’m sure there was an EU book or two based around some of these cliches…

- Speaking of cliches, WHERE IS THE MUSICAL EPISODE!!?? Please, this would have been amazing! I’m imagining something a la “Once More With Feeling” from Buffy, where the episode starts out lighthearted but ends up revealing horrible emotional trauma and awful secrets. All to wonderfully emotive showtunes. 😈

(I really want to see the Sith number- it would be phenomenal!)

WE ALL KNOW THAT THE TCW VERSION OF THRYMSKVITHA WHERE OBI-WAN HAS TO PRETEND HE’S PADMÉ AND ANAKIN HAS THE ROLE OF LOKI AND GRIVEOUS IS THE GIANT IS WHAT WE NEED. YOU JUST KNOW WE NEED THAT. NOW.

Oh please! As if Obi-Wan would forget not to scull the beer! If Anakin is in the Loki role we both know they’re doomed! 😂😂😂

And anyway if it was a political alliance kind of thing Dooku would be the one they need to fool (because arranged marriages aren’t so much a thing in the Republic)…

Oooh! Arranged/accidental marriage trope! That could have been fun! Do Anakin and Obi-Wan claim to be “partners” in order to meet some obscure cultural mores? Does Padmé end up “marrying” Anakin in a lavish ceremony to “prevent” him from needing to undergo a political marriage? Do the Jedi end up symbolically wedded to their Clones thanks to a cultural misunderstanding? So many options!

Dammit, I don’t need more crack ideas but : Dathomir AU where Talzin refuses to speak with lowly males and Padmé ends up claiming both Anakin and Obi-Wan to prevent them from being snapped up by the witches while they’re investigating Dooku’s plans…

Padmé is smug for weeks afterwards. The Dathomir ladies have firm opinions on appropriate male dress and they don’t involve shapeless beige.

When Obi Wan Kenobi, the famed silver-tongued negotiator and jedi-general, was not prepared for the way Mother Talzin summarily ignored him and Anakin in order to greet Padme and Ahsoka at the landing pad. Nor was he prepared for the way she (and every other night sister) continued to ignore him throughout the welcome dinner. By the time their dinner was consumed and the had moved on to after-dinner drinks, Obi Wan’s indignation had given way to confusion.

It was Padme who cleared everything up back in their shared quarters that night.

“It’s rude to speak to another woman’s mate,” she explained in the tones of someone conveying something rather obvious, “didn’t you read the diplomatic brief?” Obi Wan gaped at her, caught halfway between fury and mortification.

“I am most certainly not your mate so I fail to see how this applies to me-” 

“Obi Wan,” Padme interrupted, “the Nightsisters don’t allow their men off-planet unaccompanied and they assume that a man of your age and status would have married years ago. Of course they think that you’re my mate.”

Obi Wan’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly. Anakin and Ahsoka seemed to be trying to smother laughter in their fists. They were only marginally successful.

“Well,” Obi Wan said. His voice sounded rather strangled and high-pitched.

“Well, I shall simply have to correct this egregious error. I’ll talk to Mother Talzin first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll need your help securing her ear, of course Padme, but I’m sure we’ll be able to clear this up.” Padme smirked.

“Obi Wan Kenobi, if you tell Mother Talzin that you and Anakin are unmated males, there would be an absolute scandal. Worse, she’ll probably petition me for both your hands. She spent all of night looking at you two like desserts that she’d particularly love to devour.” Anakin stopped laughing and let out an unmanly squeak. Ahsoka gave up trying to muffle her giggling and dissolved into howls of laughter on the floor.

Obi Wan pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Wonderful. Well then, what do you suggest… wife?” He replied. Padme grinned. 

“Well you’ll be sleeping with Anakin and I in the master bedroom for one. You’ll communicate through me in state functions for two… And then there’s the matter of your clothing. Mother Talzin gave me a few gifts. It would be an insult to refuse to wear them…” 

This is perfect and wonderful and EXACTLY the kind of thing we should have had! 😁

I mean you KNOW Padmé would continue to refer to them both as “Dear Husband” occasionally to shut them up, and Obi-Wan is convinced it’s a running joke, but Anakin keeps looking thoughtful…

Also I’m assuming the Nightsisters are convinced that Ahsoka is Padmé’s adopted daughter because if COURSE that’s what you do with promising young women! 😁
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Watching this movie in 4K means the extension cord on the bottom left of the screen is really obvious.

@phoenix-jedi13 said:

They didn’t even try to hide it lol

I know, right? This was the 90s, somebody could have sponge-painted that sucker.

Nearly twenty years and I never saw that… Do they have ANY idea of how much I tried to get those fucking eggs to light up?! I made that whole fucking thing FROM SCRATCH, IN MINIATURE and that was the ONLY part of it I was unhappy with. I can’t believe it would have been SCREEN ACCURATE to follow The Kid around with a fucking car battery.

Yeah, almost twenty years ago there was some behind the scenes footage of a costume person messing with that skirt while Portman stood there and it never occurred to me that just out of frame was an electrical outlet.

oh my god. So when I make this dress I’m just going to plug into the wall when taking pictures. And claim screenaccurary XD

Nakki, you should rig up a little like, corner of a wall with an outlet in it, on wheels, that just rolls along behind you. :D 

@morgynleri
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Sith!Obi Wan

I’ve got no strings
So I have fun
I’m not tied up to anyone
They’ve got strings
But you can seeThere are no strings on me

@deadcatwithaflamethrower

…honestly, considering most of the Sith we’ve seen, QUITE a lot of them are absolutely entangled in strings.
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If you check my blog, it’s under ‘the black library’ or ‘darth vex’ tag. I believe that @darthrevaan has a similar set of tags on their blog, as do @morgynleri and @lectorel However, check the collection on AO3 - where most of the ‘stories’ (as compared to worldbuilding) set in this ‘verse can be found.
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Inspired by this post, I wanted to a separate post about the destruction of the Jedi Order. Their destruction wasn’t an event, it was a process. A long process that started generations before Anakin was even born. Yes, Anakin made his terrible life choices (no one is denying that) but he’s not the one thing that went wrong with Order or why they fell apart. So I made a list of terrible things the Jedi Order did that are not Anakin Skywalker’s fault:

The Order’s decision to take little kids from their parents.

The Order’s indoctrination of said kids;

The Order’s decision to keep Yoda in charge for 900 years;

The Order’s lack of action to end slavery;

Their turning a blind to the corruption in the Senate.

Their decision to follow the Senate even when they knew they shouldn’t.

The Order’s growing arrogance;

The Council’s nepotism;

The Council’s decision to not send extra help along with Qui-Gon and Obi-wan right after they were told the Sith was back.

Their decision to hide the truth about Qui-Gon’s death.

Their decision to personally aid the leaders of a planet but not its citizens.

Their decision to help slaver Jabba the Hutt but not his slaves.

The order’s diminishing popularity.

The Council’s decision to fight in the Clone Wars.

Turning children and teenagers into soldiers

Hiding prisoners in secret prisons (without trial).

Their plan to overthrown the Chancellor before they even knew he was a Sith.

Using a slave army.

Hiding the truth about the slave army’s creation.

The Council lying to their own members.

Turning their back on a teenager they raised (and used) to avoid “political complications”

Allowing an older man to have unrestrained access to a little boy.

Sending a little boy to an adult prison.

* Acting like they had All The Answers To Everything when they couldn’t even handle a scared kid who missed his mommy.

* Making the scared kid feel like he was a bad, dangerous person for being scared, despite the fact that he’d just helped their asses out bigtime.

* Wait, so Anakin’s Dangerous, but a fucknut like Pong Krell flies below the radar? Yeah, no.

* Giving Anakin shit about his arm when he lost it in battle against a Sith Lord…who used to be a Jedi himself and left the Order because he finally got fed up with the Jedi and their shit.

* Having a fucked up system that involved sending aspiring Jedi kids off to be farmers if they didn’t get chosen by a master. Wow, glad you guys took them away from their families and fucked up their lives so they could go grow beans for you or some shit, good job.

* Being hypocritical assholes. There is no ignorance…but only Masters can access certain parts of the archives and we’re gonna lie out our asses on a regular basis about pretty much everything we can think of. There is no fear…but we’re afraid of literally everything, including being unpopular, so let’s throw Ahsoka to the wolves so we can keep sitting at the cool kids’ table at lunch.   

* Failure to have a basic fucking freshman level psychology textbook in the goddamn archives because then so much of this royal goddamn clusterfuck could have been prevented in the first place!

@lectorel
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@lurkingcrow reblogged this post:

Ok, I am now imagining the first time Obi-Wan and the 212th suddenly get called into battle before they’ve had a chance to wash off and the Seppies are like “Wait. We thought they were joking about the dead Jedi General and his Ghost Battalion!” right up until the shots start to hit…

Also, Ahsoka would really like to know who the Master is that keeps showing up and playing along with the joke - he’s always in blue before just about anyone else but he never really says anything, just grins at their antics, and seems to disappear every time she decides to go talk to him. There can’t be that many older human males taller than Skyguy in the Order right?

!!! YES TO BOTH THINGS. Force-Ghosting Oneself becomes a v frequently used Ghost Company battle tactic. Waxer takes to it with gleeful enthusiasm.

and whenever Obi Wan is being Ridiculous during a mission and risking himself unnecessarily, all Cody has to do is pull out some force ghost dust and be like “you know what’s going to happen if you go through with that idea? THIS” and throw a handful of blue dust at Obi’s face

omg all these fake force ghosts with Qui Gon’s very real one, and none of the clones or ahsoka realize :’) the question here is whether Obi Wan knows yet or not. the potential for shenanigans!

My theory is that all the “fake” exorcisms had just enough in them to help make certain places more… permeable to the Force. The process is exacerbated whenever the Force juggernaut that is Anakin Skywalker is around, so Qui-Gon has quite a few options for manifestation these days. He prefers the Temple grounds, but has been known to show up on the Negotiator from time to time, and he very much approves of Commander Cody and his men.  

As far as being recognised, the issue is that it’s not totally there yet, and no one is actively looking for him, so most of the time any Jedi who does notice him assumes the same thing as Ahsoka. The exceptions are people who knew him in life, but given all the other nonsense going on Mace just thinks he’s hallucinating it…

It all comes to a head when in an unrelated conversation turns to whether or not Master Kenobi can be considered short for a Jedi, and his rebuttal that “Yes Anakin but you are an anomaly” leads to Ahsoka finally asking about the strange Jedi and… 

Out come the incense and candles, and this time, with the Jedi involved actually focusing on trying to make it work for real, a pale blue figure begins to emerge.

No one says a word. No one living.

“It is good to see you again Obi-Wan. Please don’t be so hasty to join me.”

Qui-Gon Jinn smiles, and for the first time in decades, it is reciprocated.

i am so!!! there are lots of tears and Heartfelt Conversations and maybe Qui Gon’s presence actually manages to make Obi Wan (a tiny bit) more careful. also I love that literally the second sentence Qui Gon says to Obi Wan is to call him out on his Unnecessary Risks.

plus, now Ghost Company’s force ghost trick gains a lot more credibility when a actual ghost is sometimes breezing through things alongside them

“You don’t want to die, little one. It’s all medics up here and they’re waiting just for you,”  is enough for Obi-Wan’s self-preservation instinct to kick in.

:D Why do I think that Ghost company makes a make-shift ancestor altar just to commute with Qui-Gon and snitch on Obi-Wan?:D

Makeshift? Hell no. By the time they’re done with it the shrine is an integral part of wherever they’re stationed, able to be quickly packed for transportation and capable of surviving a direct hit from a tank. They may not always be able to see him unless one of the generals of the commander is around, but “General Jinn” is always watching out for them, and it’s polite to thank him and keep him in the loop about General Kenobi’s wellbeing…

The 501st don’t take long to requisition a version of their own. It quite literally doubles their chances of being able to find someone to talk General Skywalker out of whatever ridiculous plan he’s come up with this time.

(Also, Jinn tells the best jokes - the stories about his time as a Padawan are particularly great, if only to see Dooku turn ghastly pale when they interrupt one of his monologues to sing a certain Huttese folk song. )

And it’s nice to see the way their Jedi all seem… Happier. As far as the Clones are concerned, those altars are critical military equipment!

….is it standard procedure for the clones to cover themselves in force ghost blue before these Talks? i feel like it is. Qui Gon lowkey thinks of Ghost Company (and the 501st) as family, so of course he’s always going to be there to listen and do what Must Be Done! plus it amuses him endlessly to watch Obi Wan telling Anakin off for the same things Obi used to do

Covering yourself with pale blue talk is an integral part of the Afternoon Tea With Qui-Gon Rite. They have to buy it in galons.

Qui-Gon, of course, visits Dooku. Some call it infiltration. Other call it sabotage. The less trustfull folk accuse Qui-Gon of betrayal.

Dooku calls it “1001 reasons why retirement via lightsaber is a great option” because nothing gets on his nerves as this semicorporeal library of every possible emarrassing moment of Dooku’s life that happily reminds Dooku, Obi-Wan, Anakin and literally everyone willing to listen.

RETIREMENT VIA LIGHTSABER. Dooku pausing midfight to tell Obi Wan to PLEASE JUST TAKE YOUR MASTER BACK, I HAVENT HAD A MOMENT OF PEACE,,

Well maybe if you stopped the whole war thing and the sith thing and the chopping off grandpadawans’ arms thing, Obi Wan tells him, in no hurry to call his master back

@norcumi *dazed* Wow, didn’t realize I was going to kick off a thing like this…

Innit WILD when folks latch on to a thing? Go you, and yay everyone contributing!
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okay i know Hardeen was a Terrible arc for everyone involved, but what if Obi Wan had told Anakin about faking his death? Anakin’s like no worries dude I Got This, except he really. does not,,

the only reason his “acting” is remotely believable is because almost no one has seen him like this before, so it must be due to all the grief and loss and heartbreak and anger and whatnot

he starts by sobbing over Obi Wan’s supposedly dead body for a solid two hours when Obi gets shot down. “LOOK at him, so cold and Lifeless. D: HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE WARM AND FULL OF LIFE, SNIPS. I know last week I checked his pulse because he was meditating so calmly I thought he passed away in his sleep, BUT HE’S USUALLY SO WARM AND FULL OF LIFE.”

It goes on until Anakin has finished everything on his painstakingly written Outline from last night. At least half of Coruscant hears part of this speech. Mace sends Obi the security footage later, at a time he knows Anakin will be there to sit through it with Obi, because if we had to suffer then you do too, Obi Wan. 

then at the funeral, Anakin pulls out a twenty foot scroll of real actual paper, because he would appreciate this, I think, and clears his throat loudly and messily before telling the council that he has prepared a few words for the greatest jedi this order, nay, this GALAXY has ever seen, and will ever see, no matter how long any of us live—

five hours later,, he’s still going strong. half the eulogy is Terrible and V Cringeworthy, but the other half is actually v heartfelt and moving. even Mace and Yoda have to blink away some tears. 

it becomes easier after Anakin starts going into Unnecessary Details about obi wan’s life, like how he’ll miss holding onto those heavy 327 thread count woolen robes when he’s saving obi’s ass (curvature 48.5 degrees) for the 23094th time, and how he’ll never see a more sincere expression of Compassion than he saw when reading line 83 of Obi Wan’s eighth letter to Duchess Satine last month, quoted now as follows— 

Ahsoka enlists Plo Koon’s help and they finally shuffle him over to the side, promising him they can finish his fake eulogy at the council dinner tonight. Obi Wan’s death may be fake, but MY WORDS ARE REAL, SNIPS, HOW DARE YOU. says Anakin, before he (a little gleefully) starts destroying the walls to show how Emotionally Compromised he is over this 100% real death. 

he takes the 212th drinking, after having told all of them, too. so now there are 293637 men crying about Obi Wan (relatable af, y/y), all of which have the acting talent of a wilted blade of grass. there are 283747 toasts, and every single person there cries for each and every one of them, despite everyone knowing obi is still alive

All of this has the unlikely effect of making Palpatine rethink his plans, because he was expecting rage and barely concealed hate, not this melodramatic weepiness. Oh the angry lashing out is expected, but maybe Skywalker isn’t as ready as he thought… Still, at least Kenobi is out of the picture now. 

Dooku is completely convinced. Obi-Wan faking his death and not telling Skywalker? Believable. But a performance this bad is something someone of Kenobi’s calibre would never risk - no, this is no farce and Skywalker is apparently just that infantile. 

20k+ pls and thank

20k+ just for the uncut funeral scene, the rest of Anakin’s histrionics take up at least another 25k on their own, please get to work on this soon, fandom.

BLACK VEIL AND BLACK LACE HANDKERCHIEF ARE NOT NEGOTIONABLE.

If Anakin has to mourn, he’ll go full Sicillan Widow.

Ah but we cannot forget the memento mori! The lock of hair kept close to his heart in a cameo locket depicting Obi-Wan’s profile on the cover (Anakin of course refuses to cut his own until his first year of mourning is done). Or the carved ebony frame with skull and rose motifs that hold holos of them looking dashing together. And the beautifully decorated box that holds his lightsaber so that it will be forever on display to those who miss him (there’s a lovely point in the funeral where Anakin hands the box to Satine with great ceremony and she makes a heart moving speech about how no one set of hands could encompass Obi-Wan’s great love and passes it to Ahsoka who passes it to Cody and then we get the strangest game of pass the parcel ever until it makes it back to Anakin).

When Obi-Wan asks “How was my funeral?” He is met by hysterical laughing from Yoda and the loudest groan he has ever heard from Made.

The worst thing is - when Anakin burst into sobs - he’s genuine, despite all that funeral fashionista nonsense. His elegy for Kenobi is just so good and moving and sad and longing and full of Unspoken Feelings. Not a single eye is dry. Even YODA STARTS SOBBING AND HE’S BEEN ON THE THING FOR THE WHOLE TIME.

All Obi’s holos have digitally added black ribons in the corner. Anakin insists on having trizna (a funeral feast) in his master’s memory, a glorious affair full of wine and mead. If he weren’t so sure that burning a ship with all of his worldly possesions was pushing it a bit too far (regardless that the possessions were Obi-Wan’s who was still, technically, alive and would probably be very pissed if Anakin torched what little he has), he’d be the one with a gas can and a torch.

Mace is just glad he managed to hide the holocron on Space!Egyptian funeral practices. 

The best part is, Obi Wan comes back and Anakin refuses to go out of mourning. He does it properly too, first black, then grey and lavender. Obi Wan is like is this necessary? And Anakin is like YES OBVIOUSLY HOW CAN YOU EVEN ASK THAT MASTER???!!!

“I miss him… so much. Sometimes, I swear, I feel his presence. That familiar warmth, his cologne. There are days I can glimpse his face behind the Veil. I hear him, calling for me, whispering my name. In a way, he’s still alive in my heart.”

“Anakin, I’m standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.”

“Why can’t his spirit go on? What holds him so chained to this miserable plane of existance? Master, where art thou?”

“For fucks sake, Anakin…”

LOOOOOOOOOOL, and you know Ahsoka gets in on the fun as well. Both of them refuse to talk to Obi Wan directly except through seances. When they get called before the council they have “episodes” where the “sense the presence of an unquiet spirit.” Sometimes they have exorcisms where they attempt to “put Obi Wan’s wandering spirit to rest.” Obi Wan is so tired. Everyone else thinks it’s hilarious.

The exorcism involves the use copious use incense (a light floral fragrance), offerings to the dead (in the form of delicate cups of steaming tea and accompanying sweets), ritual chanting (aka soft singing) and forcible removal of the ghost to its final resting place (his quarters). All in all it does a rather good job of forcing the poor spirit to rest !😉

The best incident however comes during the big reveal where, on facing Dooku on Naboo Anakin loudly declares that he is not outnumbered, for his dear Master’s spirit is right beside him! And Dooku starts on a spiel about how his weak willed dependency on Kenobi has finally turned him mad, except there’s a blue lightsaber at his throat and a familiar smirk asking if the Count had missed him on his little sojourn to the underworld…

AHAHAHAHAHA putting a spirit to rest takes on a whole new meaning!!!! What if the 212th gets in on it? The first time Cody tosses a ration bar at Obi Wan’s head and starts walking around Obi Wan singing the ‘time for all spirits to lay down and rest’ song, Obi Wan knows that he’s doomed. XD

This is hilarious. 

And the best thing would be that when finally Anakin leaves mourning and Obi-Wan Returns ™, it is a galactic wide event of celebration. “The Force has returned him to us,” Anakin reports. 

When Palpatine is defeated and it comes out what really happened, Anakin’s eulogy and mourning is nominated for Best Actor in all the holo award shows (never mind that he isn’t an actor and Obi-Wan’s death wasn’t scripted), and Anakin wins. He takes the stage and give his acceptance speech which of course includes him telling the galaxy that he still misses Obi-Wan and “sometimes I can still hear his voice.” And Obi-Wan who is Anakin’s plus one for this event yells from the audience “Because I’m not dead, Anakin!”

For the rest of his life, Obi-Wan deals with people assuming he is dead and who are surprised to hear he is alive. It becomes the biggest conspiracy theory. Is Obi-Wan dead or alive? There are huge fights even amount academics about whether he is or isn’t. 

When Obi-Wan finally does pass into the Force of old age, for decades afterwards people swear he’s still alive and kicking.

OH GOD YES. The reports on ObiWan’s age vary between 5 to 458. Having a babyface doesn’t help at all. Having Yoda as great-grandmaster doesn’t help either. There are theories about corellation between Yoda’s height and Obi’s height. 

OBI-WAN’S RETURN is, of course, accompanied by Clone Army Choir providing Hopeful Latin Chanting ™ to underline the hopeful atmosphere. His face is for a few weeks the most famous in the whole galaxy.

(And Anakin throws away the lavender lace veil. His mourning is at its end!)

(”I should have never told him about the undercover mission,” Kenobi grumbles.)

It keeps getting better.

@deadcatwithaflamethrower

I think I might have just hurt something laughing

But let’s be honest, here: Mace thought the seances were hilarious at first (no one could tell except through the Force because his poker face is just that awesome), but eventually, the continued farce pissed him off, too, because any time he called a meeting with Obi-Wan, either there were profuse and unapologetic antics from…call them the peanut gallery…or the meeting did not contain Anakin, Ahsoka, Yoda, any of the clones - the list goes on. Mace Windu is going to lose his temper; conversely, this helps Obi-Wan regain his own equilibrium about it, because watching Master Windu rain temper down on whoever provoked him is an amusing pastime, passed down from Master Qui-Gon. (Mace is still cursing Qui-Gon for that. There will be words when he, too, becomes one with the Force.)

Time goes on and Anakin remains relentless.

Obi-Wan becomes resigned, eventually regaining his humor about the situation. He’s answering the door in paler robes than his usual, has a powder he can dust on himself that glows blue - thanks again to Senator Mothma, who procured it after receiving a ghost’s written request - and has taken to haunting different areas of Coruscant every night. For some reason, he seems to like Dex’s diner, but Anakin still tells Bail that “It’s not nice to laugh at a ghost” and Padme seems to think he should search for other ghosts. (The first time she enters her residence to find a handful of Jedi and a bunch of clones - back in armor - all glowing blue, she makes a quick, panicked check, berates them tersely…and bursts out laughing. The gobsmacked expressions when Anakin and Ahsoka walk in just as she starts to catch her breath send her to the floor, one arm clutching at Rex’s armored wrist; whatever their response, she can’t hear it over her own amusement. Then Anakin looks at her and panics, which is when she discovers that Obi-Wan has enlisted clones to distract her while he turned her into a ghost, too. “Blue looks good on you,” he informs her seriously, with a suspicious twinkle in his eyes. He certainly hasn’t lost his charm; she smiles even as Anakin glares. Mace hears about it later and despairs. “They’re escalating!” It was the last thing he’d wanted to hear. Yoda, of course, cackles. This is the most entertainment he’s had out of a single Council decision in centuries!)
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“I go now to confront my worst enemy.” Darth Vex said, face taunt with unreleased tension. His hand curled loosely across his lightsaber in a gesture of self-comfort; Anakin stared, spoon practically dropping from his fist even as Shmi rested her forehead in her palm with a light groan.

“Really, Obi-Wan, must you?” The Butcher of Geonosis complained, an unexpectedly plaintive note in her voice. Anakin’s disbelieving gaze flickered between her mother and the curator of the Black Library; Vex ignored him, answering his line-aunt with a single stiff nod.

“Yes.” The Sith growled, fists clenching.

***

Shmi had pulled him aside after Darth Vex departed in an overly dramatic swirl of black robes, quietly suggesting that he might want to find some excuse - any excuse - to avoid the Jedi Temple for a few days. Just in case. Anakin had, accordingly, taken the first mission available and happily spend the following cycles enmeshed in Courscant’s black market district, tracing an antique ‘cultural artifact’ that a senator had reported as ‘missing’ earlier that week.

He might also have taken the opportunity to catch up on the status of the current illegal swoop-bike races. Just in case. One never knew what knowledge might come in handy later on.

As such, he was one of the lucky ones not to be present when Darth Vex, current curator of the Black Library and Archives, met face-to-face with Jedi Master, Joscasta Nu, current caretaker of the Jedi Archives.

Witnesses stated that they were extremely polite to one another.

@darthrevaan
rakasha: (Default)
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Granny Weatherwax would absolutely devastate Yoda and we would all be blessed to see it.
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tygermama:

aifsaath:

tygermama:

aifsaath:

But didn’t…

We didn’t need Satine nor her death for Kenobi Manpain™.

All they needed to do, to make him freak out (and Anakin, because that sort of horror isn’t something you’d expect from Jedi master…)

What if Stewjon was a Separatist planet? Like “FUCK YOU REPUBLIC WE DON’T CARE WE’rE SIDING WITH SITHS WE HATE YOUR COLONIALISTIC SHIT AND WE’RE DONE” level of separatist.

And who does the kriffing council send to “make Stewjon see the warm safety of Republic’s embrace with the help of countless batalions”?

Kenobi.

(I hope you don’t mind but your post made me think of this. Marilla is named for Marilla of Green Gables, a hard-ass pragmatic farm lady with a heart of gold if there ever was one)

Padme had questioned it when she saw the name on the list of negotiators but had been reassured that Kenobi was a very common surname on Stewjon and that, well, even if there were any relation, it has been quite a long time ago.

But…

Marilla Kenobi was of middling height, had ginger hair shot through with silver, carried herself like your favourite auntie come visiting and had an intelligence in her eyes that was brighter than any lightsaber Padme had ever seen.

There was no doubt in Padme’s mind that this was the woman who’d given birth to the Jedi standing right next to her.

Obi Wan, on the other hand, was trying very hard to maintain his composure. He had admitted to being grudgingly impressed by the legal briefs written by Stewjon’s Chief Counsellor but Stewjon did have certain strategic value and was a key agricultural producer for the sector.

While it was hoped their departure from the Republic could be prevented through negotiations, Stewjon was too important to be allowed to leave under any circumstances.

Obi Wan had been sent because, well, he was the Negotiator.

Padme had been concerned about these talks but she hadn’t been worried.

Until now.

Obi Wan’s struggle was only apparent if you really knew him, which Padme did.

And while she did not know Marilla, she was well versed enough in her son’s habits to know that the Chief Counselor had known immediately who the Jedi sitting across from her was. And had made up her mind that her son’s presence on the other side of the table did not matter, her people’s freedom was too important.

Padme was suddenly unsure which Kenobi to put her money on.

Yes - yes! And if this ended up in disaster… Not all batalions are commanded by Jedi, they’re stretched thin and many are led by regular officers…

The negotiations fail. Obi-Wan doesn’t know who gave the command to attack. It doesn’t matter anymore. He has to go there again and present them the terms of surrender.

“You have Stewjonian name, Kenobi. You won’t be received as a threat.”

(He isn’t. To them he’s a traitor.)

(The whole affair is a painful drag.)

Marilla’s character sounds like someone who could give birth to our sassmaster. Although I usually go with faux-japanese sounding names for Obi-Wan’s ethnic group, with certain customs surrounding the meanings of their names. Just to make it more painful, when he learns that Wan is a name one usually gives to the firstborn. And he never knew that because he never lived in that culture.

(SEE, FILONI? THERE IS A DRAMA, A TENSION AND WE STILL DIDN’T NEED TO EMPLOY A DISPOSABLE LOVE INTEREST THAT IS DOOMED SIMPLY BY THEIR DEFINITION OF DISPOSABLE LOVE INTEREST.)

The Campaign for Stewjon becomes it’s own arc.
Obi Wan has never been so conflicted. Anakin has to be the voice of comfort and/or reason. Ahsoka gets captured and is brought to Marilla and cannot bring herself to sass Master Kenobi’s Mother (much)
then Dooku shows up to ‘defend’ the planet and Marilla is even less impressed with him than she is with the whatever Jedi they sent to head the campaign (since they’d almost never begin the campaign with Obi Wan in charge but when things start not going the Republic’s way, they have to send in The Team)
Then!
Marilla is captured and ordered to be brought before the Senate for trial or something.
Marilla roasts the Senate over an open fire and actually starts winning people over which is when the assassination attempts start
so eventually we get Obi Wan and Marilla fighting side-by-side when sekrit Stewjonian agents show up.
Obi Wan has a little sister. She’s a good shot and wants her mom back. Immediately.

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