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You know, thinking about the strange mix of trauma and comedy that is TCW, I can’t help but feel there were a few missed opportunities:
- How did we never have an episode involving cross-dressing for great justice? I mean surely we could have had a secret mission involving the Team posing as Padmé’s handmaidens or something? Obi-Wan wears a veil because he won’t shave his beard and Anakin is irritated by all these people admiring him because Hello? Padmé is right there. Obviously she’s the prettiest! (Cue eye-rolling because honestly, they are so obvious).
- For that matter, how did we never have the “undercover as civilians” trope, where Ahsoka has to attend school and Anakin and Obi-Wan have to pretend being called “Dad” and “Pops” doesn’t make them turn to mush. The episode of course ends with a secretive declaration that of course they’re family and if they were really being cruel this would have taken place just prior to the Hardeen arc… Or The Wrong Jedi.
- Freeze rays. How did they miss something so categorically villainous as this? I mean, sure you have the Giant Space EMP gun, but tell me the image of Dooku laughing at an icily incapacitated Obi-Wan doesn’t seem eerily plausible? (He is of course saved by Anakin triggering a cascade failure in his artificial hand, thus melting the ice and freeing his lightsaber). Or…
- Shape changing artifacts/weapons. In line with the above, can’t you see certain Sith revelling in turning those pesky Jedi interlopers into small harmless creatures that are easily disposed of (aka Tooka kittens, baby birds, fluffy ungulate cubs)? Or even just a shrink ray or two? Maybe a mind swap device? How did they miss this staple of comic book antics? Hell, I’m sure there was an EU book or two based around some of these cliches…
- Speaking of cliches, WHERE IS THE MUSICAL EPISODE!!?? Please, this would have been amazing! I’m imagining something a la “Once More With Feeling” from Buffy, where the episode starts out lighthearted but ends up revealing horrible emotional trauma and awful secrets. All to wonderfully emotive showtunes. 😈
(I really want to see the Sith number- it would be phenomenal!)
WE ALL KNOW THAT THE TCW VERSION OF THRYMSKVITHA WHERE OBI-WAN HAS TO PRETEND HE’S PADMÉ AND ANAKIN HAS THE ROLE OF LOKI AND GRIVEOUS IS THE GIANT IS WHAT WE NEED. YOU JUST KNOW WE NEED THAT. NOW.
Oh please! As if Obi-Wan would forget not to scull the beer! If Anakin is in the Loki role we both know they’re doomed! 😂😂😂
And anyway if it was a political alliance kind of thing Dooku would be the one they need to fool (because arranged marriages aren’t so much a thing in the Republic)…
Oooh! Arranged/accidental marriage trope! That could have been fun! Do Anakin and Obi-Wan claim to be “partners” in order to meet some obscure cultural mores? Does Padmé end up “marrying” Anakin in a lavish ceremony to “prevent” him from needing to undergo a political marriage? Do the Jedi end up symbolically wedded to their Clones thanks to a cultural misunderstanding? So many options!
Dammit, I don’t need more crack ideas but : Dathomir AU where Talzin refuses to speak with lowly males and Padmé ends up claiming both Anakin and Obi-Wan to prevent them from being snapped up by the witches while they’re investigating Dooku’s plans…
Padmé is smug for weeks afterwards. The Dathomir ladies have firm opinions on appropriate male dress and they don’t involve shapeless beige.
When Obi Wan Kenobi, the famed silver-tongued negotiator and jedi-general, was not prepared for the way Mother Talzin summarily ignored him and Anakin in order to greet Padme and Ahsoka at the landing pad. Nor was he prepared for the way she (and every other night sister) continued to ignore him throughout the welcome dinner. By the time their dinner was consumed and the had moved on to after-dinner drinks, Obi Wan’s indignation had given way to confusion.
It was Padme who cleared everything up back in their shared quarters that night.
“It’s rude to speak to another woman’s mate,” she explained in the tones of someone conveying something rather obvious, “didn’t you read the diplomatic brief?” Obi Wan gaped at her, caught halfway between fury and mortification.
“I am most certainly not your mate so I fail to see how this applies to me-”
“Obi Wan,” Padme interrupted, “the Nightsisters don’t allow their men off-planet unaccompanied and they assume that a man of your age and status would have married years ago. Of course they think that you’re my mate.”
Obi Wan’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly. Anakin and Ahsoka seemed to be trying to smother laughter in their fists. They were only marginally successful.
“Well,” Obi Wan said. His voice sounded rather strangled and high-pitched.
“Well, I shall simply have to correct this egregious error. I’ll talk to Mother Talzin first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll need your help securing her ear, of course Padme, but I’m sure we’ll be able to clear this up.” Padme smirked.
“Obi Wan Kenobi, if you tell Mother Talzin that you and Anakin are unmated males, there would be an absolute scandal. Worse, she’ll probably petition me for both your hands. She spent all of night looking at you two like desserts that she’d particularly love to devour.” Anakin stopped laughing and let out an unmanly squeak. Ahsoka gave up trying to muffle her giggling and dissolved into howls of laughter on the floor.
Obi Wan pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Wonderful. Well then, what do you suggest… wife?” He replied. Padme grinned.
“Well you’ll be sleeping with Anakin and I in the master bedroom for one. You’ll communicate through me in state functions for two… And then there’s the matter of your clothing. Mother Talzin gave me a few gifts. It would be an insult to refuse to wear them…”
This is perfect and wonderful and EXACTLY the kind of thing we should have had! 😁
I mean you KNOW Padmé would continue to refer to them both as “Dear Husband” occasionally to shut them up, and Obi-Wan is convinced it’s a running joke, but Anakin keeps looking thoughtful…
Also I’m assuming the Nightsisters are convinced that Ahsoka is Padmé’s adopted daughter because if COURSE that’s what you do with promising young women! 😁
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