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(Your picture was not posted)
Apr. 6th, 2018
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mabwee:
zinglebert-bembledack:
higharollakockamamie:
mixgoldenphoenix:
higharollakockamamie:
echodoctor:
higharollakockamamie:
In a series full of villains who are madmen or suave sinister agents or looming faceless figures in armor, what I love most about this guy is he is just one seedy motherfucker.
Look me in the eye and tell me that wing doesn’t have a pocket for a flask of Night Train. I mean, this is absolutely a man who owes a significant amount of money to a guy named Switchblade. This is an evil wizard who has sold stolen stereo equipment out of a truck in a Denny’s parking lot. A man who has, at least once, mailed somebody a dead gopher. You can track down Kefka in his tower, Ultimecia in her castle at the end of time, and this guy scalping tickets outside a Phish concert. I’m not saying he can get you E, but he definitely knows a guy.
All I can say is this is the one Final Fantasy villain whose crimes include “loitering.”
This is made, if anything, even funnier by the fact that he has no actual need to do any of that- dude’s an undead immortal, he doesn’t really need the money and probably physically can’t get high. He’s just doing it to be a shit.
Yeah, he could easily spend the years skulking in a dungeon, biding his time until his revenge, but nope, here he is, the universe’s one vengeful revenant who is for obscure reasons no longer welcome at Burning Man.
He drives a convertible with the word “Vixen” written on the front and a pom-pom on the antenna.
Ardyn’s the one video game villain I can picture buying a car. Not having a car, but actually going into a dealership, bargaining with the salesman, drinking the coffee in the office while he gets all the paperwork drawn up, signing on the dotted line, and getting a little moogle antenna ball on the way out.
This is a man who legitimately has used the phrase “It’s not a pyramid scheme, it’s a marketing opportunity!” with all sincerity. He’s the guy who sticks gum in the coin slots of video game machines just because he can.
Ardyn would look Maester Seymour in the eye and laugh, like bitch, you don’t want to destroy the gods or their talon-like hold on your world? That sounds fake but okay.
Ardyn loitering, though. Imagine he simply loses track of time.
“Oh, but officers, I was merely perusing these fine wares.”
“For eight hours straight?”
He sometimes lets himself be arrested for whatever petty crime he has or hasn’t committed only to warp out of the cop car mid-destination.
More often he doesn’t bother doing even that and stays a night or two at the local precinct, chatting up the officers and criminals alike in an oddly polite, friendly manner.
(Your picture was not posted)
mabwee:
zinglebert-bembledack:
higharollakockamamie:
mixgoldenphoenix:
higharollakockamamie:
echodoctor:
higharollakockamamie:
In a series full of villains who are madmen or suave sinister agents or looming faceless figures in armor, what I love most about this guy is he is just one seedy motherfucker.
Look me in the eye and tell me that wing doesn’t have a pocket for a flask of Night Train. I mean, this is absolutely a man who owes a significant amount of money to a guy named Switchblade. This is an evil wizard who has sold stolen stereo equipment out of a truck in a Denny’s parking lot. A man who has, at least once, mailed somebody a dead gopher. You can track down Kefka in his tower, Ultimecia in her castle at the end of time, and this guy scalping tickets outside a Phish concert. I’m not saying he can get you E, but he definitely knows a guy.
All I can say is this is the one Final Fantasy villain whose crimes include “loitering.”
This is made, if anything, even funnier by the fact that he has no actual need to do any of that- dude’s an undead immortal, he doesn’t really need the money and probably physically can’t get high. He’s just doing it to be a shit.
Yeah, he could easily spend the years skulking in a dungeon, biding his time until his revenge, but nope, here he is, the universe’s one vengeful revenant who is for obscure reasons no longer welcome at Burning Man.
He drives a convertible with the word “Vixen” written on the front and a pom-pom on the antenna.
Ardyn’s the one video game villain I can picture buying a car. Not having a car, but actually going into a dealership, bargaining with the salesman, drinking the coffee in the office while he gets all the paperwork drawn up, signing on the dotted line, and getting a little moogle antenna ball on the way out.
This is a man who legitimately has used the phrase “It’s not a pyramid scheme, it’s a marketing opportunity!” with all sincerity. He’s the guy who sticks gum in the coin slots of video game machines just because he can.
Ardyn would look Maester Seymour in the eye and laugh, like bitch, you don’t want to destroy the gods or their talon-like hold on your world? That sounds fake but okay.
Ardyn loitering, though. Imagine he simply loses track of time.
“Oh, but officers, I was merely perusing these fine wares.”
“For eight hours straight?”
He sometimes lets himself be arrested for whatever petty crime he has or hasn’t committed only to warp out of the cop car mid-destination.
More often he doesn’t bother doing even that and stays a night or two at the local precinct, chatting up the officers and criminals alike in an oddly polite, friendly manner.
(Your picture was not posted)
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Erich: Kisuke, you have six already.
Kisuke: What? Well, I mean, yes! But just imagine!
Erich: ………. Kisuke no.
Kisuke: Kisuke yes!
(Your picture was not posted)
Erich: Kisuke, you have six already.
Kisuke: What? Well, I mean, yes! But just imagine!
Erich: ………. Kisuke no.
Kisuke: Kisuke yes!
(Your picture was not posted)
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lalivingmuerte:
How did he survived a century like this?
(Your picture was not posted)
lalivingmuerte:
How did he survived a century like this?
(Your picture was not posted)
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deadcatwithaflamethrower:
See that wood? That’s the original ancient Civil War era flooring in the oldest part of the house. It’s 3-4 inches lower than the modern height of the floor…and it’s petrified. If it had not been utterly, awesomely petrified, there would be no floor here. There would have been a second floor bathroom’s contents and floor unexpectedly visiting the first floor bathroom.
Count the layers!
1) Properly applied Vinyl Tile.
2) Shit installation of Fake Linoleum (Fuck Bean.)
3) Random 1/4″ sheet of plywood hiding…
4) …older linoleum that is the real deal that would have been antibacterial and probably was nice once upon a time before Assholes Happened To It.
5) Yet another layer of older linoleum.
6) The original century-old people-with-money rehab pine strip hardwood flooring, utterly wet/dry-rotted and crumbling.
7) Pre-Linoleum that is not yet linoleum from like the 19th century which wasn’t even glued down, it was just a layer of a pretty patterned material meant to cover the floor so that you didn’t lose your shit through the floor cracks.
8) The felt paper padding beneath the ancient Not-Lino.
9) Original colonial hardwood petrified badassery.
The drywall dude was going to do the demo but I NEEDED TO DESTROY SOMETHING TODAY and hey look. By the way if you’ve never experienced it? Molded wet-rotted dried wet-rotted molded repeat repeat repeat wood is one of the worst smells ever because it seems so mild and harmless and then suddenly everything smells horrific and it won’t stop.
This is why The Fundraisening Exists. https://www.paypal.me/flamethrower or sending money to my PayPal directly via deadcatwithaflamethrower@gmail. Because fuck who tries to turn their bathroom floor into a swimming pool?? Were they playing water polo in here!??! INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW AND THEN MAYBE BEAT SOMEONE INTO THE CONCRETE WITH A BATHTUB.
(Your picture was not posted)
deadcatwithaflamethrower:
See that wood? That’s the original ancient Civil War era flooring in the oldest part of the house. It’s 3-4 inches lower than the modern height of the floor…and it’s petrified. If it had not been utterly, awesomely petrified, there would be no floor here. There would have been a second floor bathroom’s contents and floor unexpectedly visiting the first floor bathroom.
Count the layers!
1) Properly applied Vinyl Tile.
2) Shit installation of Fake Linoleum (Fuck Bean.)
3) Random 1/4″ sheet of plywood hiding…
4) …older linoleum that is the real deal that would have been antibacterial and probably was nice once upon a time before Assholes Happened To It.
5) Yet another layer of older linoleum.
6) The original century-old people-with-money rehab pine strip hardwood flooring, utterly wet/dry-rotted and crumbling.
7) Pre-Linoleum that is not yet linoleum from like the 19th century which wasn’t even glued down, it was just a layer of a pretty patterned material meant to cover the floor so that you didn’t lose your shit through the floor cracks.
8) The felt paper padding beneath the ancient Not-Lino.
9) Original colonial hardwood petrified badassery.
The drywall dude was going to do the demo but I NEEDED TO DESTROY SOMETHING TODAY and hey look. By the way if you’ve never experienced it? Molded wet-rotted dried wet-rotted molded repeat repeat repeat wood is one of the worst smells ever because it seems so mild and harmless and then suddenly everything smells horrific and it won’t stop.
This is why The Fundraisening Exists. https://www.paypal.me/flamethrower or sending money to my PayPal directly via deadcatwithaflamethrower@gmail. Because fuck who tries to turn their bathroom floor into a swimming pool?? Were they playing water polo in here!??! INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW AND THEN MAYBE BEAT SOMEONE INTO THE CONCRETE WITH A BATHTUB.
(Your picture was not posted)
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subsilvernight:
I call upon the fan fic writing gods to bless you with the perseverance to finish one of your unfinished drafts.
May your fingers dance along the letters upon your device with ease, may the devil of distraction stay far from you, and may your work not need much editing.
I pass this blessing upon every fan fic writer out there.
(Your picture was not posted)
subsilvernight:
I call upon the fan fic writing gods to bless you with the perseverance to finish one of your unfinished drafts.
May your fingers dance along the letters upon your device with ease, may the devil of distraction stay far from you, and may your work not need much editing.
I pass this blessing upon every fan fic writer out there.
(Your picture was not posted)
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mydododied:
Who lives here?
@elenothar
I bet selkie!Percival has one of these on his estate, and he never answers questions about it.
(Your picture was not posted)
mydododied:
Who lives here?
@elenothar
I bet selkie!Percival has one of these on his estate, and he never answers questions about it.
(Your picture was not posted)